In life, whether we like it or not, we all have personal responsibility. 100% responsibility in fact for the lives we create
In times of relational conflict, it is easy and tempting to play the victim. Casting blame and pointing fingers a knee-jerk reaction for a lot of us- “not my fault!” our expedient, passionate and perhaps somewhat justifiable response to events that take place in our lives.
How am I responsible for this?
This is a challenging question, especially if the malice of the opposite party in a conflict is obvious. When someone sets out to disparage or damage our character or to cause us physical or emotional harm, one viewpoint, perhaps even an understandable one given the circumstance is that of the victim. After all, you are the injured party.
However, being the victim most certainly leads to resistance, resentment and retribution…. The three R’s, a fatal downward spiral
Living in these 3 R’s has become comfortable for a lot of us. A vicious cycle perpetuating out endlessly with our victim hood dead center. The splash from a rock in the pond of peace that echoes for eternity inside us and out. Bouncing off the walls of our conscious and unconscious minds forever.
The way out of this rippling victim hood complex is individual and personal responsibility. Taking charge of the story. Creating a better life through visualization of a brighter future, Telling a story to ourselves about the compelling future we are working on creating-
Secondarily it is important to acknowledge that what has currently been created is exactly that- what has been created by us. All of it.
If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where it is unstable- it is neither one persons fault, nor the others. Each person has made a million choices and decisions that lead to the current situation. Each person has 100% responsibility for their choices and decisions regardless of the order of events.
Each person continues to have 100% responsibility for their choices and decisions moving forward.
In the game of monogamous marriage, as in the game of friendship, there is 200% responsibility to consider. Each persons’ 100%
This is an important distinction to make because if there is disharmony in the relationship, it is the responsibility of both parties to soul search on their end of the conflict.
RESPONSIBLE: “We are both responsible for what is” – levels the playing field, leaving the ground open and fertile for cooperation and together forward progress
VICTIM: “This is all your fault” – creates an uneven playing field, an assuredly infertile barren wasteland of a relationship devoid of any hope for progress, perpetually in one of the 3 R’s and more than likely peaceless
So…. What game are you playing?